作者：中国民主党英国总部 程敏
中国人从来不恨特权，恨的是自己没有特权。中国人也不恨人上人，恨的是自己没能成为人上人。所以中国人几千年来疯狂崇拜、迷恋权力。绝大多数中共独裁政权统治下的人，无论是中共党内的中高层，抑或是党外略有薄财的小生意人，他们所希望的平等社会不过是“自我以上人人平等，自我以下阶级分明”。
我时常会扪心自问，作为一个中共及其拥趸眼中“脑后有反骨”的“汉奸走狗卖国贼”，我是真心为了中国的自由民主事业而发声吗？还是说我只是愤恨于中共骑在我的脖子上享受特权而想要反抗？有朝一日中共亡了，我还能否像今天一样慷慨激昂，问心无愧的面对大家，一同高呼打倒独裁，民主自由？我只能告诉自己，反抗压迫和争取个人自由，正是为了让每个人能生活在一个公正、自由的环境中，这正是民主和自由的本质。
我的答案是不知道。一方面，我心中的正义感告诉我，我会始终坚守民主、自由、平等的普世价值观，我盼望未来的某一天，中国人人平等，没有人再自认“韭菜”，没有人崇拜与畏惧权力，每个人都拥有独立思考和判断的能力。那面横亘在中国人与世界之间的“数字柏林墙”轰然倒塌，中国在浴火重生中建立起完善的权力制衡体系与社会制度。
但另一方面我心中的理智告诉我，我说的这些不就是中共执政前曾经对人民许下的承诺吗？难道所有的中共党员从一开始就是试图哄骗民众、窃取权力的民贼吗？难道中共海量因腐败被捕的官员们，他们在学生时代不曾怀有一腔热血希望能够造福百姓，建设更好的国家吗？那为什么最后他们都变成了中共这颗毒瘤的一部分，成为寄生在中国身上疯狂汲取利益的腐臭蝇蛆？
人是情感欲望最为复杂的动物，在漫长的一生中需要面临无数的变数与考验。人的思想也同样无时无刻不在发生变化。姑且不提那些中共诱惑腐蚀下，因为屈服于权色交易而做下伤天害理之事的恶人们，前不久被抓的海外民运领袖之一唐元隽因难忘故土亲人被迫沦为中共爪牙的经历也令我大受震动。当你面对一个无耻到能用故土亲人的探视权去消磨你的反抗意志的敌人时，任何正义热血的大道理都显得苍白单薄了。入党宣誓在此时唯一的用处就是让组织能以“背誓”之名跟他划清界限。但你、我，每一个投身中国民主事业的人都可能在将来的某一天面对和唐元隽相同的境地。
现实比理想更残酷复杂，而在这样的现实面前，人的信念常常经受不住威胁与诱惑的考验。这并不意味着我们应当放弃追求民主与自由的理想，相反，正因为现实残酷，我们更需要警惕中共体制对人性的腐蚀与压制。或许，我们每一个追求民主的人都无法完全避免人性的弱点，但正是这种不断反思和自我警醒的能力，才是民主社会的精华，更是我们避免重蹈唐元隽覆辙的关键！
Confusion and Reflection in the Pursuit of Chinese Democracy
Author: Cheng Min, UK Headquarters of China Democracy Party
Chinese people never hate privileges, but hate themselves for not having them. Nor do the Chinese hate people who are superior to them, but they hate themselves for not being superior to them. That is why Chinese people have been madly worshipping and obsessed with power for thousands of years. The vast majority of people under the dictatorship of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), no matter whether they are middle or high ranking members of the CCP or small businessmen with a little bit of money outside the CCP, their hope for an egalitarian society is just ‘equality for everyone above the self, and a clear distinction between classes below the self’.
I often ask myself, as a ‘traitor, lackey and sellout’ with a ‘backbone in the back of his head’ in the eyes of the CCP and its supporters, do I really speak out for the cause of freedom and democracy in China? Or am I just resentful that the CCP is riding on my neck and enjoying privileges, and I want to resist? One day when the CPC dies, will I still be able to face all of you with the same impassioned and clear conscience as I do today, shouting together to overthrow dictatorship, democracy and freedom? I can only tell myself that resisting oppression and fighting for personal freedom is precisely for the sake of enabling everyone to live in a just and free environment, which is the essence of democracy and freedom.
My answer is no. On the one hand, the sense of justice in my heart tells me that I will always uphold the universal values of democracy, freedom and equality, and I hope that one day in the future, everyone in China will be equal, no one will think of themselves as ‘leeks’ any more, no one will worship or fear power, and everyone will have the ability to think and make judgements independently. The ‘digital Berlin Wall’ between the Chinese and the world will collapse, and China will be reborn with a perfect system of checks and balances on power and social institutions.
But on the other hand, my rational mind tells me that what I am talking about are not the promises that the CCP made to its people before it came to power? Are all CCP members thieves from the very beginning who try to deceive the people and steal power? Did not the vast number of CCP officials arrested for corruption have a passionate desire to benefit the people and build a better country when they were students? Then why did they all become part of this cancerous tumour of the CCP, and become rotten flies that parasitically feed on China?
Human beings are animals with the most complex emotions and desires, and they have to face countless variables and tests in their long lives. The human mind is also changing all the time. Leaving aside those evil people who have been corrupted by the temptations of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), and who have done terrible things because they have succumbed to the power and sex trade, I have also been greatly shocked by the experience of Tang Yuanjun, one of the overseas pro-democracy leaders, who has been arrested recently, and who was forced to become a henchman of the CCP because of the unforgettable experience of his loved ones in his homeland. When you are faced with an enemy that is so shameless as to use the visitation rights of your loved ones in your homeland to wear down your will to resist, any righteous and fervent reasoning will seem pale and thin. The only use of the party oath at this point is to allow the organisation to draw a line under him in the name of ‘reneging’ on the oath. But you, me, and everyone else who is committed to the cause of democracy in China will probably face the same situation as Tang Yuanjun one day in the future.
Reality is crueler and more complex than ideals, and in the face of such reality, people’s beliefs are often not tested by threats and temptations. This does not mean that we should give up the ideal of pursuing democracy and freedom. On the contrary, it is precisely because of the cruelty of reality that we need to be even more vigilant against the corruption and suppression of human nature by the CCP system. Perhaps every one of us who pursues democracy cannot completely avoid the weaknesses of human nature, but it is this ability to constantly reflect and alert ourselves that is the essence of a democratic society, and the key to avoiding a repeat of Tang Yuanjun’s mistake!
